THE CRACKDOWN

Beacher and Hewitt are seated, as Ross enters.

ROSS:  This doesn’t look good. 

BEACHER:  Have a seat, Dave.  Before we get started, I want you to know this is the part of my job I enjoy least.

ROSS:  Then let’s just skip it and grab a couple beers. 

BEACHER:  Ms. Hewitt will be recording this meeting, for the record.

ROSS:  Why?  What’s going on?

Beacher nods.  Hewitt presses “Record” on her phone.

BEACHER:  Mr. Ross, this is a formal inquiry regarding–

ROSS:  “Mr. Ross”?  What happened to “Dave”?  

(to Hewitt)

Wasn’t I “Dave” just a second ago?

BEACHER: (cutting motion to Hewitt) Okay, cut it.

ROSS:  What’s this about? 

HEWITT:  We received a complaint from a parent.

ROSS:  About me?

BEACHER:  Let’s not have the meeting before we have the meeting.  This doesn’t have to take long - let’s just get it done.

Beacher makes a winding motion, and Hewitt starts recording.

ROSS:  So, no beers? 

Off Beacher’s pained look, Hewitt stops the recording, and 

re-starts it.

BEACHER:  Mr. Ross, this is a formal inquiry–

ROSS:  Who’s the recording for?

Beacher makes a cutting motion - Hewitt stops the 

recording.

BEACHER:  As I said, it’s for the record.  For whoever might need it, but for starters, a transcript will go in your file.  And I’ll probably CC the District Office.  Okay?

(He nods to Hewitt, who starts the recording again)

Mr. Ross, this is a formal inquiry regarding an incident which occurred on April 17th of this year.  You may end this inquiry at any time.  Do you understand?

ROSS:  Yesterday?

BEACHER:  Yes, April 17th was yesterday.  

ROSS:  What happened yesterday?

BEACHER:  Do you understand that this is a formal inquiry, and that it’s being recorded?  You understand that?

ROSS:  Oh, formal.  Well, now I feel underdressed - should I put on a tie?

A laugh sputters out of Hewitt, which draws an annoyed 

glare from Beacher.

HEWITT:  Sorry.  Did you want me to cut it?

Beacher decides to press on.

BEACHER:  Mr. Ross, I suggest you take this seriously, because the D.O. certainly will.  You’re here because an incident was reported, and a complaint has been filed against you by a parent of one of your students, Christian Stern. 

ROSS:  CJ? 

BEACHER: (louder) No, Christian Stern. 

HEWITT: (quietly) Christian Stern prefers to be called CJ.

BEACHER:  I– okay, thank you.  Mr. Ross, do you recall having an interaction yesterday, April 17th, with, uh… CJ?

ROSS:  You mean Christian Stern?  

(another laugh sputters out of Hewitt)

Yeah, I have interactions with him every day.  Usually it involves getting him to stay on task, or shut up, or stop provoking other students.

BEACHER:  Do you remember asking CJ Stern to sit on your lap?

ROSS:  Oh my God, really?

BEACHER:  Do you?

ROSS: (laughing) That’s why I’m here?

BEACHER:  Do you remember the incident?

ROSS:  “The incident.”  Yeah, I believe my exact words were “Why don’t you sit on my lap?”

BEACHER:  Why would you say that?

ROSS:  Because he asked me where he should sit.  

(beat)

Do you have any interest in the context of this– 

BEACHER:  Yes, absolutely - in what context did you feel it was appropriate for you to ask a student to sit on your lap?

ROSS:  Oh, please!  You don’t honestly think I wanted him to sit on my lap, do you?

BEACHER:  Well…  You did ask him.

ROSS:  Okay, loud and clear for the irony-impaired - it was not a serious invitation!  Everyone in class understood that at the time, including CJ.  For the record - is this thing on? 

(taps the recording device) 

This is what happened:  CJ was pretending he couldn’t locate a seat, he seemed determined to create a disturbance, and impervious to my requests and commands to sit.  So I tried a different tactic - in the hope that it would embarrass him just enough to make him sit down, shut up, and stop disrupting my class!  The end. 

BEACHER:  And the “different tactic” was aski– sarcastically asking him to sit on your lap?

ROSS:  Correct.

HEWITT:  Did it work?  Did he stop disrupting your class?

ROSS:  Momentarily.

BEACHER:  Okay.  Thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Ross.  

(to Hewitt)

Cut it, please. 

(Hewitt stops the recording) 

On the subject of classroom management, I’d like to touch on a couple things off the record, before we wrap this up.  

ROSS:  Okay, am I Dave now, or am I still Mr. Ross?  I can’t keep up.

BEACHER:  When we came into your class yesterday, I was a little taken aback to see you hugging a student, and–

ROSS:  I did not hug her, she hugged me.

BEACHER:  Not a good look.  Nor is allowing all of your students to look at their phones during class time.

ROSS:  Not all of them - Jenny was busy hugging me.

BEACHER:  A couple things came up today, as well. 

(consults notepad) 

We have a report that you sometimes compel your students to “pray to pagan gods”?

Ross tilts his head, baffled - then realizes:

ROSS:  Oh, you mean Thespis!

BEACHER:  Who?

ROSS: (laughs) He isn’t technically a God.  But the kids don’t really care.  Whenever somebody mocks someone else's idea, they must apologize to Thespis - it’s teaching stick.

(off Beacher’s bewildered look)

It’s just a way to keep all the negative judgments out of the room, otherwise they all start poking holes in each other’s–

BEACHER:  I’m going to recommend that you abandon that practice, and replace it with some other pedagogical method.  Preferably one that can’t possibly be described as “prayer in school.”   

ROSS:  Seriously?  

BEACHER:  Yes!  We have people on the School Board who would like to see us institute a daily prayer right after the pledge, and hang the Ten Commandments in the multipurpose room.  It comes up every month.  We are, of course, resisting that.  It does not help our case if–  

ROSS:  Okay, okay, got it, no more Thespis!

BEACHER:  Thank you.  Next item.  When we– 

ROSS:  But what about Winter Solstice?

BEACHER:  What happens at Winter Solstice?

ROSS:  Well, traditionally, we like to sacrifice the smallest freshman to Beelzebub - but, I mean… 

(Hewitt tries to stifle laughter - fails)

If you think the Christians are gonna be all weird about it…

BEACHER: (to Hewitt) Having fun?

(Hewitt shakes her head, looks contrite)

When we were in your class yesterday, one of your students spoke at length about how hard it is to be… a… non heterosexual person, in this state.

ROSS:  Yeah?

Beacher pulls a 7-page printout from a folder, and turns to 

one of the interior pages.

BEACHER:  Why do I have to remind you that HB 1321 prohibits–

(reading a highlighted quote from the bill)

–“classroom instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity”?

ROSS:  That was not instruction.  It was a student giving an oral presentation.

BEACHER:  The law says “classroom instruction by school personnel or third parties.”

ROSS:  Again, not instruction, and there was no third party - it was a student!

BEACHER:  That’s a third party!

ROSS:  I thought students were the second party.

BEACHER:  Let’s just… stay out of the weeds, okay?  I’m telling you what the law says.  You can’t assign students to talk about this stuff.

ROSS:  I didn’t.  The assignment was to talk about a turning point in their life - which they did.

BEACHER:  Clearly, your students need more stringent guidelines from you, on what’s acceptable, and what’s–

ROSS:  No no no, hold on a second!  My students write about their lives, and their thoughts and feelings about them.  Those are our classroom materials.  Saves us a fortune in textbooks, by the way - you’re welcome.  I’m not gonna tell a student their life is not “acceptable” just because we have a few tightasses on the School Board who wish they didn’t exist.

BEACHER:  They?  How many students are we talking about?

ROSS:  Gabe’s pronouns are they/them.

BEACHER:  Yeah, I caught that - I’m asking you how many gay students you have in your class.

ROSS:  What is this?  What are you doing right now?

BEACHER:  If you have students in class who identify as members of the LGBTQ community, district policy obligates you to report that fact to their parents.  

ROSS:  Gabe’s parents already know.

BEACHER:  Well, today we discovered another gay student of yours whose parents don’t know.  

ROSS:  Which student?

BEACHER:  Hope Stern. 

ROSS: (sighs) So, what now?  You’re gonna tell her Dad?  Is that really gonna happen?

BEACHER:  Ms. Hewitt will be telling him, later this week.  Another thing that came up in Hope Stern’s interview…

(leafing through Hewitt’s notes)

She seemed to imply that there are other gay kids in your Advanced Drama class.  “Kids” - plural.  So I’d like to know, if you know, who they are?

ROSS:  Did you just ask me to name names?  

BEACHER:  No, I’m asking if you–

ROSS:  Why don’t you come to my class and grill them yourself, Principal McCarthy? 

BEACHER:  That’s not what I’m asking.

ROSS:  “Are you now, or have you ever been, a gay kid?”

BEACHER:  Save the Drama for your class, okay?  I’m not after your kids, I am simply trying to gauge the extent of your violation of district policy.

ROSS:  Try to gauge the extent of this, Jim.

Ross flips him off.  Pause…  Beacher controls his temper.

BEACHER:  Let’s record this next bit, please.

Hewitt presses “Record.”

BEACHER:  Mr. Ross, I am informing you that Mr. Stern has requested that his children, Christian Stern Jr. and Hope Stern, be removed from your fifth period... 

ROSS:  Hope’s my T.A.  

BEACHER:  Not anymore.

ROSS:  We’re in the middle of a project - I need to meet with her…

BEACHER:  Absolutely not.  You are not to talk to her.

ROSS:  What if she wants to talk to me?

BEACHER:  Let her know that you have been instructed not to interact with her.

ROSS:  Just cut her off.  She’s been in my class for four years, - we talk all the time.  We went through lockdown together, we…  And you’re gonna tell her wingnut father she’s gay.  Have you stopped to think for one second, what you're putting this girl through?  Or are you too busy covering your own ass?

BEACHER:  I am telling you to abide by district policy and state law - absolutely no contact.  Do you understand?

ROSS:  Unbelievable.  

BEACHER:  This is serious, Mr. Ross.  You can be suspended, or fired, for violating this policy.  Do you understand? 

ROSS:  Unbelievable.

BEACHER:  I need an answer for the record.  Do you understand that you’re to have no contact with either Christian Stern Jr. or Hope Stern?

ROSS:  Jesus Christ. 

(pause, then, into the recorder) 

Yeah.  I understand.